In a daze

Has it really been that long since I last posted? I kinda lost track. I suppose I haven't posted because of the lack of things to write about, either they are too personal for me to post on the web or so minor and boring that there was no point. Sorry to dissapoint you but this blog won't have much point either. I just felt I need to fill the space of time since I last posted.

Lets see nowadays I am very confused about where things stand. Things just aren't the way they used to be. It doesn't feel right. Somethings not right somethings missing and in turn it has led me to be confused on where i stand in all of this. It seems like it's been forever yet it's only just a few days but its not like we actually have been able to really talk. Other things have been brewing on my mind that i just can't seem to get rid of and frankly I'm tired. Tired of everything. Tired of the way things are and bored with my life. Tired of the same things happeneing talking about the same things hearing the same things just tired. In response I have almost been in a daze the last couple of days. Partly, I am sad to say, is due to my new found intresest the twilight books that i much resented before claiming them just to be a fad. In realitly the books are wonderful. Different than anything I have ever read somehow addicting. Anyway let me paint a picture for you, my sister got the series for christmas and i have already read the first two. The first reaching 400 pages and the second 500. Maybe its because i have no life or maybe so i have a reason no to think..or maybe because the books are soo good. I have been in a daze the last couple of days. Thinking back, I actually forgot to eat today. I didn't eat anything but dinner and thats because it was made for me. I'm suprised i remembered even to shower. I spent the day doing absolutley nothing and it was nice. Better than thinking and being confused and having to make hard decisions. I'm planning to start the third book tomorrow.

Perhaps tomorrow will clear a few things up. We will have more time. Maybe the feelings will come back like they were before. Maybe things will change and be like they were. I will just have to wait and see what tomorrow holds. One more thing i wanted to add. I don't know if it just happens with me or maybe other people too but have you ever been reading so long that your thoughts start to sound like you reading from a book? Like someone were writing down your story and you thoughts and actions were written down? Thats what I have been hearing in my head....maybe i'm just really weird or insane...either way don't judge me

Greatest Christmas Movie Ever

National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation is probably the best Christmas movie ever made. It came out in 1989 and is still friggin hilarious. Every year my family watches it around Christmas time and it still makes me laugh even though I know exactly what is going to happen. It is so much better than the crap that National Lampoon is coming out with now. Truly a masterpiece. If you haven't seen it yet, then you need to. GO! RIGHT NOW!


In the meantime here is some memorable quotes:
(I know there is a lot but its a friggin AWESOME movie)

Clark: Where do you think you're going? Nobody's leaving. Nobody's walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We're all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse.

Bethany: Is your house on fire, Clark?
Clark: No, Aunt Bethany, those are the Christmas lights.

Clark: Hey. If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, fore-fleshing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is. Hallelujah. Holy shit. Where's the Tylenol?

Clark: Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something to eat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere and leave you for dead?
Eddie: Naw, I'm doing just fine, Clark.

[as an entourage of suits - lead by Clark's boss - passes by single file]
Clark: Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, kiss my ass. Kiss his ass. Kiss your ass. Happy Hanukkah.

Eddie: Merry Christmas! Shitter was full.

Ruby Sue: Rocky bit my thumb. Him's nervous.
Clark: Nervous or excited?
Ruby Sue: Shittin' bricks.
Clark: You shouldn't use that word.
Ruby Sue: Sorry. Shittin' rocks

Eddie: You surprised to see us, Clark?
Clark: Oh, Eddie... If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn't be more surprised than I am now.

Eddie: Every time Catherine would turn on the microwave, I'd piss my pants and forget who I was for about half an hour.


Ellen: Clark, I think it'd be best if everyone went home... before things get worse.
Clark: WORSE? How could things get any worse? Take a look around here, Ellen. We're at the threshold of hell.


Ellen: I don't know what to say, except it's Christmas and we're all in misery.

Screaming Inside my Head

AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Whew glad that I got that out. That's what I feel like doing right now. Screaming at the top of my lungs. I probably would if there wasn't a sleeping baby in the next room. And the funny part is I have no idea why I feel like this. It comes in waves. Sometimes I just feel like screaming to let the monsters out because it helps.
Alright so I do have a reason why I feel like this, but I'm not sure if I'm comfortable writing it down. I just wish things were different. Sometimes I wish I never even met him. Then things would be easier. Less to worry about, more free time, be able to do whatever I wanted, less baggage, less guilt. But its too late. He's my best friend and a huge part of my life and I just don't know what to do and he keeps saying things will work out. HELLO NEWSS FLASH LIFE DOESN'T ALWAYS WORK OUT ALL FINE AND DANDY! Believe me I know. Life is not all icecream and cheez-its (good analogy right?). You will be busy. I will be busy. We won't see eachother. Face it this will probably be our last year.
Don't you see? Don't you see? DON'T YOU SEE!

SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP
I CAN'T TAKE IT

AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
monsters.