Thanksgiving Disapointment

Thanksgiving. Where should I start? Should I start with the fact I hate, no scratch that, strongly dislike thanksgiving? It just doesn't feel like thanksgiving anymore. For the last eight years we have been going to some snooty rich country club with rich realtives, of whom I only know the names of about half, and eating off like a buffet type thing. THIS IS NOT THANKSGIVING. I am not spending it with people I really care about, sure it's good to see these people because they are family, but whatever happened to the old fashion sit down dinner? Thanksgiving now is just a dissapointment. Sure the food's not bad and as my sister said "It's free", but still I would much rather have Thanksgiving they way it used to be.
And for these past eight years I have felt like a total outcast from the rest of the family. We are not rich like them, don't get me wrong we aren't poor either, we are just middle class. These people, however, are filthy rich. Take my aunt for example, she was VP of Cincinnati Bell and would have gone on to be Pres. but retired. Her and my uncle now take 564867198 vacations a year to various parts of the globe. My family just doesn't seem to fit. And not only that but they are incredible SNOBS!! This one lady named Genie (how she is in realtion to me I have no idea) seems so cold. Her skin is pulled so tight it makes my face hurt just to look at (probably thanks to some botox injections) and her eyes are ice cold blue that seem to pierce through you. Nothing ever seems to be good enough for this woman as she is always complaining. The only people there that I do like seeing are my Aunt Mer and Uncle Wiley who are the only ones there with kindness. And on top of that hardly anyone talks to me because of my age I suppose they believe I can't carry on an intelligent conversation. WHATEVER.
And then there is Aunt Barb. I never had a problem with Aunt Barb, yeah sure she seemed snobbish and stuck-up, but she was always nice to me. Until thursday I had no problem with her. Well this all changed with one conversation. It started with her asking me about my plans for college. I told her I really like art and its something that I really enjoy and I was thinking about studying it in college and maybe have a career in the art industry. To which her response was "Oh well you know you can't make that much money as an artist? Believe me I am a BUISNESS woman and I have SEEN all DONE all and art is not the way to go. Take Nick's (her son) girlfriend for example. She went to school for photography and now she is barely making minimum wage. And Steven (her other son) wanted to major in history and I just had to push him in the direction of a more promising career and now he is completely happy. But art? Well that's okay if you want to be poor." CAN YOU BELIEVE THE NERVE OF THAT WOMAN??? "THATS OKAY IF YOU WANT TO BE POOR?" WHO THE HELL ARE YOU TO TELL ME WHAT TO DO WITH MY LIFE? She basically told me that if i follow in the direction of my dreams that I wouldn't amount to anything. If i could see her again I would SCREAM in her face, but at the time it totally just crushed me. She totally just crushed my dreams and watched me crumble. I was almost in tears, but I wouldn't let that woman see me cry. Never.
Reflecting on it though, it just makes me stronger. The fact that she said that I COULDN'T makes me want to prove that I CAN. I would rather be poor and be doing something I love then being rich and doing something I hate. Money isn't everything.

Real Happiness

And for once I feel happy. For once in a long while I can take a deep breath and not worry about everything and maybe, just maybe things are gonna be okay.

So it happened like this. I was going about my daily routine WHICH by the way I hate because who wants to do the same thing everyday? I don't but yet I still do. So anyway I was already incredibly angry because my stupid bank decided to close at 3:30 instead of its normal 5 o'clock time which means that I couldn't cash my check which also means NO MONEY FOR SANDRA! GAH. What has the world come to? Anyway I had other things to do than worry about when I will actually have time again to cash my check, for example pick up my niece Madi from daycare. And heres where my true happiness lies. There is never a time when I look at her and I don't smile. Just seeing her makes me happy. Madi is seven months old and she is at that age where she is getting into everything. Everything is so new to her and seeing her learn and discover new things is amazing. She is so innocent, untouched by the outside world and just perfect.

Then there was bath time. Not trying to brag or anything, but I have bathtime almost down to an art. And Madi really seems to enjoy it too. I'm always singing and she splashes and plays in the tub and it's actually fun. I always sing to Madi and her favorite songs include Girls Just Wanna Have Fun, I Think We're Alone Now and Dancing Queen. She really is a trip. She has this little watering can toy thing that she just loves to chew on, but when bathtime is over I feel bad because I have to take it away and she always cries. Singing always helps when she cries. And then for some reason I picked out the stupidest pajamas to put on her. What were the manufactuers thinking when they made this? This thing is absolutley ridiculous. It is cute footy pajamas but it has buttons that go all the way down and even on to BOTH legs. And I'm like "WTF mate" because the only thing that even resembles pajamas is that it has two arm holes and the rest is just like a puzzle. It like they were thinking "How can I make this more difficult than it already is?" But I managed to conquer those dumb pajamas and Madi fell asleep shortly there after.

And now I'm left with a happy feeling. Maybe its just more of a happy mood, I'm not sure, but it's nice for once to not worry about things and although this wasn't at all exciting or any major event, it was just nice.

Survival of the Fittest?

If I could describe this year in just one word it would be survival. Trying to survive is the only thing I have been doing for this school year. I take one day at a time and deal with things as they come. I don't think more than a day ahead which leads to some major procrastination, but this is not my fault. It seems that I have to much on my plate each and everyday that thinking about tomorrow or next week will cause my head to explode. Thats another major part of this year, trying no to go insane. More and more I get aggravated by the people around me and the people at school that I just want to quit, leave. To say see ya I'm out of here because I just don't feel like dealing with it anymore. Sometimes I think am I they only sane one anymore? Can't people see that the actions they take now are going to effect them in the long run? Keeping my sanity has become very hard and the fact that I worry a lot doesn't help. With school, work, friends, family and trying to get in condition for this years track season it's hard to balance it all. And the ever impending (wow spelled that wrong) thought that my best and at times my ONLY friend will be leaving at the end of this school year to go to college is almost to much to bear. The thought that this may be our last year together hurts a lot. And with this upcoming track season and the rumor of SCOUTS actually coming to our track meets means I must be in tip-top shape for this years track season. This is it. One shot is all you get. Just trying to keep my head from exploding is almost to much all and in itself.

The Beginning

Well here it is my first post. Honestly I don't know why I created this. Hardly anyone will read this except me and in a way thats kind of nice. A place to put all my thoughts like a journal except I won't lose this one. Partly I was inspired by a friend who's blogs I have been reading for awhile and I find quite entertaining. This is actually quite funny to me because it feels like I'm talking to someone, but really it's just myself. As for the blog I may not post everyday so if there is someone actually reading these don't be suprised to not see a post for weeks at a time. Anyway, I think thats about it. Today was my relax day. I watched a whole season of ANTM (as for those of you who don't know that is America's Next Top Model). For some reason I am obsessed with this show and have a secret desire to be on it. Not that I'm all that instrested in fashion, but just for the expierence. The thought of the photo shoots is the most exciting thing for me. Getting to dress up and pretend like someone else or trying on fashion designer's clothes (which I must say some are INCREDIBLE works of art) well who wouldn't want to do that. Traveling would be a plus too, but I'm to shy to be on TV. The spotlight is not for me, I prefer blending in. Oh well I can still like the show.